Fuck all religion. Amen.

Test Your Savvy on Religion

NICHOLAS D. KRISTOF
October 9, 2010

The New York Times reported recently on a Pew Research Center poll in which religious people turned out to be remarkably uninformed about religion. Almost half of Catholics didn’t understand Communion. Most Protestants didn’t know that Martin Luther started the Reformation. Almost half of Jews didn’t realize Maimonides was Jewish. And atheists were among the best informed about religion.

So let me give everybody another chance. And given the uproar about Islam, I’ll focus on extremism and fundamentalism — and, as you’ll see, there’s a larger point to this quiz. Note that some questions have more than one correct choice; answers are at the end.

1. Which holy book stipulates that a girl who does not bleed on her wedding night should be stoned to death?
a. Koran
b. Old Testament
c. (Hindu) Upanishads

2. Which holy text declares: “Let there be no compulsion in religion”?
a. Koran
b. Gospel of Matthew
c. Letter of Paul to the Romans

3. The terrorists who pioneered the suicide vest in modern times, and the use of women in terror attacks, were affiliated with which major religion?
a. Islam
b. Christianity
c. Hinduism

4. “Every child is touched by the devil as soon as he is born and this contact makes him cry. Excepted are Mary and her Son.” This verse is from:
a. Letters of Paul to the Corinthians
b. The Book of Revelation
c. An Islamic hadith, or religious tale

5. Which holy text is sympathetic to slavery?
a. Old Testament
b. New Testament
c. Koran

6. In the New Testament, Jesus’ views of homosexuality are:
a. strongly condemnatory
b. forgiving
c. never mentioned

7. Which holy text urges responding to evil with kindness, saying: “repel the evil deed with one which is better.”
a. Gospel of Luke
b. Book of Isaiah
c. Koran

8. Which religious figure preaches tolerance by suggesting that God looks after all peoples and leads them all to their promised lands?
a. Muhammad
b. Amos
c. Jesus

9. Which of these religious leaders was a polygamist?
a. Jacob
b. King David
c. Muhammad

10. What characterizes Muhammad’s behavior toward the Jews of his time?
a. He killed them.
b. He married one.
c. He praised them as a chosen people.

11. Which holy scripture urges that the “little ones” of the enemy be dashed against the stones?
a. Book of Psalms
b. Koran
c. Leviticus

12. Which holy scripture suggests beating wives who misbehave?
a. Koran
b. Letters of Paul to the Corinthians
c. Book of Judges

13. Which religious leader is quoted as commanding women to be silent during services?
a. The first Dalai Lama
b. St. Paul
c. Muhammad

Answers:
1. b. Deuteronomy 22:21.
2. a. Koran, 2:256. But other sections of the Koran do describe coercion.
3. c. Most early suicide bombings were by Tamil Hindus (some secular) in Sri Lanka and India.
4. c. Hadith. Islam teaches that Jesus was a prophet to be revered.
5. All of the above.
6. c. Other parts of the New and Old Testaments object to homosexuality, but there’s no indication of Jesus’ views.
7. c. Koran, 41:34. Jesus says much the same thing in different words.
8. b. Amos 9:7
9. all of them
10. all of these. Muhammad’s Jewish wife was seized in battle, which undermines the spirit of the gesture. By some accounts he had a second Jewish wife as well.
11. a. Psalm 137
12. a. Koran 4:34
13. b. St. Paul, both in 1 Corinthians 14 and 1 Timothy 2, but many scholars believe that neither section was actually written by Paul.

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “Fuck all religion. Amen.

  1. Biblical Stonage:

    For adultery (including urban rape victims who fail to scream loud enough)
    If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city. Deuteronomy 22:23-24

    For working on Sunday
    They found a man that gathered sticks upon the sabbath day. … And the LORD said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: all the congregation shall stone him with stones…. And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the LORD commanded Moses. Numbers 15:32-56

    For cursing the king
    Thou didst blaspheme God and the king. And then carry him out, and stone him, that he may die. 1 Kings 21:10

    For disobeying parents
    If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother … Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city … And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die. Deuteronomy 21:18-21

    For a woman who is not a virgin on her wedding night
    If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her … and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel’s virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: And the damsel’s father shall say … these are the tokens of my daughter’s virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. … But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die. Deuteronomy 22:13-21

    For cursing or blaspheming
    And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him. Leviticus 24:16

    For touching Mount Sinai
    Whosoever toucheth the mount shall be surely put to death. Exodus 19:13

    For taking “accursed things”
    Achan … took of the accursed thing. … And all Israel stoned him with stones, and burned them with fire, after they had stoned them with stones. … So the LORD turned from the fierceness of his anger. Joshua 7:1-26

    For animals (like an ox that gores a human)
    If an ox gore a man or a woman, that they die: then the ox shall be surely stoned. Exodus 21:28

    For worshipping other gods
    If there be found among you … that … hath gone and served other gods, and worshipped them … Then shalt thou … stone them with stones, till they die.Deuteronomy 17:2-5

    If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers … thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die. Deuteronomy 13:5-10

    For witches and wizards
    A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 20:27

    For giving your children to Molech
    Whosoever … giveth any of his seed unto Molech; he shall surely be put to death: the people of the land shall stone him with stones. Leviticus 20:2

  2. C’mon y’all Christians, EVERYBODY MUST GET STONED. Religion isn’t supposed to be like FIFA, In the beginning: no penalty kicks!, okay, 1970: yes to penalty kicks!, 2010: no instant replay! 2014: okay we’ll fix the goal line replay thing…

    So there is like a 980AD Christian, and a 1150AD Christian, oh and don’t forget that First Council of Nicaea in 325AD which made up a whole bunch of new rules, and a 1450AD Christian, and a 1865AD Christian, and a 1920AD Christian, and a 1999AD Christian…
    How the fuck are all of y’all getting into that Heaven place, when you all followed different rules?

    Go stone someone! use a dinosaur fossil.

  3. hey, have you not heard that an anti-thesis of religion is in fact religion? When one hates a religion he in fact wants to create his own religion. So, he fucks himself too! 🙂

    • Yeah, so true. Let me try:
      When one hates country music he in fact wants to create his own country music.
      When one hates cancer he in fact wants to create his own cancer.
      When one hates stinky, oozing, yeasty, hairy, mildewy vaginas he in fact wants to create his own stinky, oozing, yeasty, hairy, mildewy vaginas.
      When one hates war he in fact wants to create his own war.
      When one hates disease he in fact wants to create his own disease.
      When one hates spiritual slavery caused by an irrational fear of the unknown. he in fact wants to create his own spiritual slavery caused by an irrational fear of the unknown…
      Man, I’m going to say this to everyone from now on. Thanks for showing me the truth, the light and the way. It really is an unassailable argument. I feel empowered.

  4. Religion would die if we stop telling our impressionable small children about it–why don’t religionists wait until children are 18 to introduce such concepts?
    Why must the children of (blank) religion automatically be assumed to follow the same religion? Why do people fear the possibility of choice? If their’s is the truth you don’t have to brainwash a 3 year old into believing in it.
    You can have a healthy discussion of it, between your adult child and yourself.
    In my humble opinion it is due to it merely being a meme.
    Much as linguistic accents, or they way your family washes dishes.
    Small children do not have the ability, nor sophistication to ask nuanced questions, they just want to love you and trust you and adore the fact you have brought them into this world, and have known them from before they were conscient creatures. Why would they doubt what you introduce to them?
    Religion is a mind-virus, Atheism on the other hand merely is a stance of skeptical questioning. How curiosity can be labelled a religion, is nonsensical to me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s